


Shadows of the Past

by awagers



Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works & Related Fandoms, The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Grief/Mourning, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-22
Updated: 2016-02-28
Packaged: 2018-05-22 12:51:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6080070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awagers/pseuds/awagers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Is it better to understand, or better to hold our grudges, not truly knowing?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welp. Here's a little pile of angst and sad. I wanted something that would work with both books and movies, so...here you go.

Bilbo sat at his desk, quietly contemplating the page in front of him.

Frodo was awake. Thank all the Valar, the dear boy seemed to be pulling through. He never could have forgiven himself if Frodo had not lived. He had seen too many deaths come to boys who wanted to make their father figures proud.

“Master Baggins?” A quiet voice came from the doorway. An elf…what was his name? Curse his wandering mind.

“Yes, yes, what can I do for you?”

“My apologies for the interruption. The party from the Lonely Mountain has arrived, and they are eager to meet with you, if at all possible.”

Bilbo perked up visibly. “Wonderful! Did you catch any of their names? I do hope that Balin was able to make the journey. The dear old fellow is such a delight! A great scholar in his own right, and a particular advisor to King Dain.”

“I don’t recall that name being mentioned, but there was a dwarf named Gloin who was quite…exuberant.”

Bilbo chuckled. “Ah, yes, of course. Gloin was always exuberant. Do you recall my first visit here, when we were on our way to the Lonely Mountain? I believe he was part of the group that decided to bathe in the fountain!”

The elf (confound it all, what was his name?) blushed slightly. “Yes, I do recall the incident. Is there a message you’d like me to convey to them?”

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to make it to dinner this evening, but I’d be happy to receive them here once they’ve had a chance to refresh themselves.”

“Very good, Master Baggins.”

Bilbo smiled as the elf withdrew. Dear Gloin, come back to Rivendell. This promised to be a terribly entertaining day.

*****

He heard the dwarves approaching from quite a distance. The hearty laughter and roaring warmed him as few things could. Still, it was a shock when they entered the room. 

Gloin was old.

Bilbo knew himself to be old, knew that his former companions must have aged as well, but it still gave him pause. Gloin, hearty, laughing, crude Gloin, full of life and quick to take offense, was now grey haired and stiff. 

The comparison was probably made more stark by his companion. Another dwarf, the spitting image of Gloin as a younger dwarf.

“Master Baggins!” Well, Gloin’s roar was certainly as hearty as ever.

Bilbo found himself enveloped in a crushing embrace, and clapped heartily on the back.

“Gloin! My dear old friend! I have missed you terribly!”

When he had been placed back on his feet and regained his breath, he asked, “And who is this handsome young specimen? No, no, let me guess. This is the apple of your eye, the mighty young Gimli!”

“And of course you’d recognize him! I showed you my locket often enough!”

Gimli blushed, and stepped forward to take Bilbo’s hand. “Master Baggins, it is a great honor to meet you. I’ve been hearing tales of your heroics for years now.”

“Pah, don’t be bothered with all of that. I did what was needed, nothing more, nothing less. Now, I must admit, I heard some prime tales of your youth that I’ve been wondering about for a long time. What exactly was it that you did with the water pump and the donkey?”

Gimli turned a crimson to rival his beard, and his father roared with laughter. “Ah, Bilbo, it’s to be like that, is it? Let’s pull up some chairs, and I can tell you a few more recent tales that will make your hair straighten in shock!”

*****

After several hours, an elf came and coughed solicitously at the doorway.

“Yes, yes, what is it? Oh, is it time for dinner already? Curse it, and I’ve been taking up all of your time. Gloin, Gimli, I’m terribly sorry, but you really must go to the formal dinner Lord Elrond is holding this evening. Diplomatic nonsense and all that.”

Gimli looked at him in surprise. “But, Master Baggins, won’t you be joining us?”

“No, no, I prefer to dine quietly in my rooms. But that’s no reason for you to miss all of the fun. Now, go on with you, and remember, no dancing on the tables, regardless of any antics of my young kinsmen.”

Gloin turned to his son, and patted him heartily on the back. “Sounds like just your sort of thing, my lad. Now go on. I’ll catch you up soon enough. I’d like a few words with Master Baggins. In private.”

Gimli shot his father a rebellious look, but rose and prepared to leave. He bid Bilbo a fond farewell, then stomped off.

“He’s grown into a fine dwarf. You should be proud of him.”

“Oh, I am. I am. I know that everyone laughs at my doting on him, but he truly is a fine lad.” Gloin sighed. “Now, do you know what this council is about? An elf summoning dwarves and men? With a few hobbits to spare? It’s unheard of, Bilbo.”

Bilbo closed his eyes, and seemed to age visibly. “It all goes back to our quest, don’t you know? Pebbles that triggered an avalanche. We had no idea what we were doing. Well, I didn’t, at any rate. I thought it was just an adventure. I could not have possibly imagined what it would do to me.”

He sighed deeply, and looked at Gloin. “My ring. My stupid, ridiculous, awful ring. It’s more important than we ever could have imagined, and I…well. I suppose you’ll hear all about it at the council.”

“Bilbo. My dear friend. Can’t you tell me what happened?”

“No. I’m so sorry, but I can’t. I’ve lied for too long, and I don’t think I know how to speak truth any more.”

Gloin sighed. “Oddly enough, I do understand. Don’t trouble yourself any further. I’ll come back and speak with you after the council?”

“I seriously doubt that you’ll want to, but feel free.”

“Bilbo Baggins, you are a dwarf-friend, and bound to the House of Durin. No mistake or dishonor could make us turn from you.”

A strange little sound came from Bilbo, halfway between a laugh and a sob. “I still have it, you know. The mithril shirt. I can’t bear to look at it, but I keep it near me.”

Tears gathered in Gloin’s eyes. “You have always been welcome in the mountain. We would have come to the ends of the earth to bring you back, if you had asked.”

“And how could I be in the mountain, with memories of him clinging to every stone? With his tomb? The boys? To be the pitiful little foreign thing that the exile had bound himself to? To never…”

He broke off with a vehement shake of his head. “No, no, that's over and done with. Go, enjoy your dinner, and keep that fine lad of your in line.”

Gloin stood, and bowed deeply. “Good night, my friend.”

*****

When Gloin returned, after the Council, after the Fellowship had been named, he found Bilbo sitting in the gathering darkness. He stood, not sure if the hobbit was sleeping, until Bilbo began to speak quietly.

“It’s a funny thing, to be brought low. I’ve been so angry at Thorin for so long, and now I’ve done the same thing. Now, at the end of my life, I have seen myself succumb to madness, and I begin to understand.”

Gloin walked over to the small figure, and crouched in front of him. “Bilbo, what do you mean? My friend, you have nothing to be ashamed of.”

Bilbo gave a watery laugh. “I have lied to you for so many years, but you can say that?”

“You silly hobbit, the One Ring was influencing you. Of course you lied. The amazing part was that you were still able to use it to restore our home. Our people were dying, Bilbo. We were not meant to live so long on the surface, and it took a heavy toll on our children. But you won back our home for us.”

“I gave Frodo the mithril shirt. Sting as well. I wanted to protect him as best I could. He’s taking this burden for me, and I just wanted to help him. But I saw the Ring, and tried to take it from him. Oh, Gloin, I let madness take me and attacked him.” Bilbo began to weep quietly.

“You know, I never understood how Thorin could turn on me. He spoke of such love, but then he looked at me with such hate and loathing. I forgave him as he lay dying, but I never understood. And now…now I do, and I can only hope that he does not hate himself as much as I do.”

Gloin wrapped his arms around Bilbo. “Ah, Bilbo, I wish you had never learned this truth. I wish you had been spared this pain, at least.”

Bilbo looked at him with a sudden intensity. “Promise me something. Frodo wears that shirt now, as my heir. Promise me that Gimli will protect him as he would protect me.”

“You don’t know what you’re asking.”

“I bloody well do. I may have only been the Consort of Erebor for a short time, but I know my rights. Balin outlined them very carefully to me when he visited and met my heir. Promise me.”

Gloin closed his eyes, and gently extracted himself from their embrace. “You have my word. I will explain it to him before he leaves.”

“I’m sorry, my friend, but he is the only son I will ever have. I will do anything in my power to protect him.”

The old dwarf drew himself up stiffly. “I do understand. Good night, my lord.”

Gloin walked away slowly, as if bearing a heavy weight. Bilbo watched him, and thought sadly of fathers sending their children in to peril. He remembered two bright boys who followed their uncle to their doom. He thought of Gimli, bound to his duty. And he thought of his dear Frodo, and wept bitterly.


	2. Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Legolas really does just want to understand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to a bit more exposition, since the first chapter was mostly just sads.

Gimli walked through the woods of Lorien, with Legolas at his side. They had spent many days thus employed, and had found surprising points of agreement, both in aesthetics and philosophy. Their growing friendship was cemented when Legolas solemnly attempted to apologize for an insult given years before, when Gimli’s father was captured in Mirkwood. He was shocked when Gimli responded with a roar of laughter that caused several nearby birds to take flight.

“Ah, lad, I could hardly hold a grudge for that, now could I? That story has made you the punchline of jokes in most of the Dwarven kingdoms! My mother, who you so casually dismissed, is considered one of the great beauties of our age!”

Legolas stared at him blankly, trying to puzzle out the response. After a few moments, understanding dawned, and he began to chuckle. “So, that is why there is so much whispering when I visit Erebor. I started avoiding envoy duty decades ago, thinking I had done something wrong.”

Gimli continue to laugh, and clouted him on the shoulder. They continued to walk, but most of the tension between them was gone.

A few days later, Legolas stopped Gimli when they had wandered far enough from the rest of their companions to avoid being overheard. “My friend, I wonder if you would explain something to me.”

“Depends on the question, doesn’t it? I’ll do what I can, but there are things I cannot explain to one who is not a Dwarf, and things that I simply don’t know the answer to.”

Legolas smiled faintly. “I understand. It concerns Frodo. After we emerged from Moria, you insisted on taking him to gaze into the Mirrormere. I know that it is a place sacred to your people, and wondered that you wished to show it to him.”

Gimli sighed deeply. “I had a feeling it wouldn’t be an easy question. Let us walk, and I will see what I can tell you.”

The two began to stride along paths now familiar, but turned onto quiet, unused ways. Gimli remained silent for a long time, then began to speak quietly.

“I know that you were there, at Erebor, after the dragon was slain. You saw the conflict before the battle. King Thorin’s madness, and his treatment of Master Baggins. What you may not have known was that King Thorin was courting the hobbit, and had been since before his stay in your father’s dungeons.”

Legolas shook his head. “I had no idea.”

“Well, that was rather the point. In the dungeons, they didn’t want to provide additional leverage. Their reasoning in Laketown was similar. Thorin’s position was a bit precarious, and he didn’t want to cause any additional scandal by openly courting one who was not of our people. And…well, from what I’ve been told, the dragon sickness was creeping in already.”

“Was he trying to hoard Bilbo away, or push him away in favor of the treasure?” Legolas asked.

“I truly don’t know. I’ve asked many questions over the years, but this is considered one of the most shameful things my line has ever done. I wasn’t there, and those who were are loathe to speak of it.”

Legolas stopped, and stared at him in shook. “Your line? You are of the House of Durin?”

A spark of humor came into Gimli’s eyes. “A Prince who introduces himself as merely ‘of Mirkwood’ has no room to talk. Most of the members of Thorin’s company were his kin. Actually, I’m technically sixth in line for the throne of Erebor.”

He shook his head slowly. “No, I suppose that’s no true anymore. With Balin and Uncle Oin gone, I would be fourth.”

Legolas watched him quietly, as grief settled over his friend like a cloak. 

“You know, when the Company set out, I was eighth, and there were three young, vibrant heirs in front of me. Mahal, how I pleaded to be included. And look at me now. If Stonehelm can’t get some bloody heirs of his own, they’ll start hounding me to marry and settle down.”

Gimli passed a hand over his eyes, then rose to his feet and began to walk again.

“Ah, bugger that. You wanted to hear about Thorin’s muck up, not my domestic issues. In any case, Thorin was rather quickly going mad. He remembered enough to give Bilbo Baggins that pretty mithril shirt that young Frodo is currently sporting. Now, that happened to be the most valuable item in the hoard at that moment, since the Arkenstone was conveniently missing. According to traditional courting rituals, the giving and acceptance of that gift could be considered a battlefield marriage.”

Legolas glanced over at Gimli, then looked ahead. “So, when Thorin tried to kill Master Baggins, and then banished him?”

“It was an utterly heinous act, and probably would have kept him from every taking the throne of Erebor. Allowances might have been made for Master Baggin’s lack of knowledge, and Thorin’s sickness, but it would have undermined his entire rule.”

Legolas nodded slowly. “That explains a great many things. The charge from the gate held a desperation I never fully understood. And the air of relief at Thorin’s death was puzzling.”

“It did solve a great many problems. He lived long enough to rescind the banishment and make amends with Master Baggins, so he was buried with full honors, but no one had to worry about the full repercussions of a king who deserved to be cast out from polite company.”

“But I return to the original question, my friend. What does all of this have to do with Frodo?”

“Bilbo Baggins was, however briefly, the King’s Consort. What’s more, the entire Line of Durin owed him a debt of honor that could never be repaid. He had no desire to remain in Erebor. Maybe if Fili or Kili had survived, but with all of them dead? He fled for his home, and never returned to a Dwarven settlement, despite all of our entreaties. When he named Frodo his heir, he wrote to my cousin Balin, asking his advice. Balin visited him and explained all of the rights and protections that he and Frodo were entitled to. And after Elrond’s Council, he decided to invoke a few of them.”

Legolas held up a hand. “You’re telling me that you joined the Fellowship because of your family’s debt to Frodo?”

“No, no, nothing like that. I would have joined regardless of all that. My honor, however, is tied up in taking care of Frodo. Master Baggins made sure of that.”

“Why did you show Frodo the Mirrormere?”

Gimli slowly shook his head. “He is the heir of Thorin’s Consort. He does not fully understand the importance of it, but I do. He would have been raised in great honor at Kind Dain’s court. I simply wanted to show him a small piece of it, of our heritage.”

“Do you resent him?”

“Frodo? Never. As in so many things, he is so, so innocent.”

Legolas nodded. “And Bilbo Baggins?”

Gimli gazed at him intently. “Bilbo Baggins saved my people. He restored my home. He was wronged horribly, but still tried to save us. If all I can do for him is watch over Frodo, I will.”

Legolas looked into his eyes, then turned to walk down the path back to their friends. Without a word, he placed a hand on Gimli’s shoulder, and they began to walk together.

**Author's Note:**

> I always thought it was odd that Tolkien never showed the reunion between Gloin and Bilbo. I mean, surely that would be a great way to pull things together, right? Then again, this is the guy that was pathologically incapable of writing strong female characters without referring to them as masculine, so what do I know?


End file.
